I’ve never been big on entering contests. Yes, I have been obsessively entering contests to win a Kindle for the past, oh, year-and-a-half. But in general I skip them. At drawings at church functions or social functions I never seemed to win. One time at a women’s retreat everyone but two people would be drawn from a basket. I was one of the two. Haha. At another women’s retreat everyone got a prize. I won a haircut at a barber shop. Again haha. But I recently entered Weight Watcher’s Inspiring Stories contest. I think it is a great contest and I have no clue what my chances are at winning, but I felt a boost of self-confidence just taking the pictures, writing my story and entering. I only wish I had more words (we were limited to 400). I guess a writer always needs more space.
The prize for the contest is $5,000 for a new wardrobe, a trip to NYC and a fashion consultation with Tim Gunn.
But overall, it doesn’t matter all that much whether I win the contest or not. I can’t even believe how much I’ve changed over the past several years. I think I know where I am going long-term. I am enjoying my current job and posses more self-confidence than I have in a long time.
I was recently listening to a seminar through Martha Beck’s program and it was talking about the “everybodies” in our lives. As in “everyone will think. . . .” “everybody agrees. . .” Of course, we all logically know that everybody in the whole world doesn’t agree on whatever the subject is, but there are groups of people who form our thoughts and feelings on what “everybody will think.”
I am still not sure exactly who forms my “everybody.” I’m still thinking about it. But I do know a few. A few surprises and a few givens. What I recently realized, though, was that was what was going on with the writing I’ve been trying to do. Wondering what “everybody” will think or feel about it. Wondering whether my group of everybodies will approve. I’ve always been a people pleaser and I was trying to do so in my writing. So for now I’m going to just write whatever I want and maybe I’ll never show it to anyone, but I think giving myself permission to keep it a perpetual secret will help. Likely some will not like it if they were to read it. But I’m trying to let go and just please myself and find my own writing voice. It seems like another big change for me. Though not outwardly visible it is a change for my internal thought process.
Well, today I reached a long-time goal of mine. It is not my final weight-loss goal, but it is the goal at which I can become a “lifetime” member of Weight Watchers and for now it is where I will work to maintain. For the first time since 7th grade I am at a healthy BMI. It is so strange. I don’t feel like I ever looked *that* bad, but I definitely was at a point that I felt pretty bad. I’ve lost nearly 55 pounds now. Isn’t that crazy? It almost seems impossible. Almost like I’m exaggerating. When I was yo-yoing I would always say I had lost 10 pounds. Well, usually I had. 10 pounds from something. Maybe I had gained 20 and lost 10 or up and down and up and down until I didn’t know where I was. I had a friend that even teased me once. She said “every time I talk to you, you’ve lost 10 pounds.” After that I stopped talking about weight loss. For a while I gave up completely and that is when I got to my worst, but then since Lyndi convinced me to join Weight Watchers in November of 2009, I’ve slowly lost weight. Sometimes it was 0.2 pounds and sometimes I gained. But this week, with a 1 pound loss I was finally within a healthy range. And I think I look pretty good. If I said my weight here, many women and men would think I was still “fat.” I would say many women still strain to be 110, 115 or so. But I’ve accepted that will not be me. I am muscular and curvacious in ways that my body will not hold up to that kind of weight. It would not be healthy. I don’t even desire that. But I’ll be honest. When I was 12 years old or so and thinking about what kind of body I would want to have when I was a woman, it was exactly the body that I have. I am happy with what I am blessed with. I like the smallness of my waist and the curve of my hips. I even like my muscular legs (even though zip-up boots rarely work for me) But I’ve never had the desire to starve myself to be a waif, or over-exercise to be something I’m not. I am what I am and I’m happy with that. I just want to be the best version of myself, the most healthy one possible. We will see what that ends up being. 🙂 For now I’m celebrating feeling better than I have in years and having the numbers at last reflect that.